Do I look like I need to be cured?

I was recently scrolling through videos on facebook and one in particular caught my eye. It was called ‘autism doctor cures autism patient.’ I know i shouldnt get so angry about a fictional tv show but they deliberately used the word cure in the tagline, despite the actual clip making no mention of the word. Autism is challenging every day and it becomes all the more unbearable when we are used as gimmicks or pawns just for some likes and views on a video. Well here is my view, that is disgusting behaviour. Living with autism is a fucking nightmare, especially when living in a world like that.

If you want to know what its like to have autism its talking too much or not at all, caring too much or not at all, feeling too much or not at all. There is no middle ground. Its an endless cycle of confusion-panic-guilt. Confused over the right thing to say do and say. Panicking that your actions and reactions are wrong. And finally guilt over assuming that youve offended someone.

Breaking down over the slightest change to the routines you spent years developing to use as coping mechanisms. We are on our third lockdown in under a year so do i even need to talk about the impact covid has had. Theres only so many times you can break before you just stay broken.

The anxiety and terrifying loneliness of thinking your a burden to the people closest to you because in your mind who would want to be friends with someone with so many insecurities. There is so much fear and paranoia whenever I message someone. Spending far too long typing and re-typing because it cant be offensive, ambiguous, boring, repetitive. It has to be word perfect but I always convince myself it could have been better after hitting send. Every message has a hidden meaning and its basically ‘am i still worthy of our friendship?’

The insult of being stripped of any actual individuality because your whole life is defined by a stranger in an office. To them autistic people are nothing but their case number, no personality, no uniqueness, nothing. They define us as our worst traits because no autistic person will be natural, open or healthy when dealing with a stranger. Under this current system, we are automatically disadvantaged, we play by the governments rules but theyre not playing a fair game.

Autism is not a problem that needs fixing or a disease that needs curing. Autistic people cant change who they are so maybe its about time the world changes and stops being indifferent to those of us who are different.

‘The worst part of having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you dont’

Published by scobbie94

Im just your ordinary mid twenties guy trying to live in a very un-ordinary world

2 thoughts on “Do I look like I need to be cured?

  1. I strongly feel that not only should all school teachers have received ASD training, but that there should further be an inclusion in standard high school curriculum of a child development course which in part would also teach students about the often-debilitating condition.

    It would explain to students how, among other aspects of the condition, people with ASD (including those with higher functioning autism) are often deemed willfully ‘difficult’ and socially incongruent, when in fact such behavior is really not a choice.

    While some other school curriculum is controversial (e.g. SOGI, especially in rural residential settings), it nonetheless was implemented. The same attitude and policy should be applied to teaching high school students about ASD, the developing mind and, especially, how to enable a child’s mind to develop properly.

    Liked by 1 person

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